Thank you ladies and gentlemen for being here today, In the form of a poem, some words I will say, It’s about David Ward – a Rotarian and friend, Now that his Presidency has come to an end. So please pay attention and stay awake if you can While I tell you about David, a true gentleman. You may now hear things that you’ve never heard before, Like how he was born in Lambeth, just before the war. The Royal Navy School was his first educational forum, Then the Nautical College where he received the Victor Ludorum. A young woman called Frances then entered his life, And in 1964 he made her his wife. The Royal Fleet Auxiliary was next on the list, But he eventually left the navy, for his family he missed. You see Matthew and Adam had arrived by this time, And then the salesman ladder he attempted to climb. Only he wasn’t the best, if the truth be told, He gave away more samples than he actually sold! So his venture into sales was a little bit daft, “I know!” he said, “I’ll pilot a hovercraft” So his winding career we try and unravel, Next, along with Robin, was Marinair Travel. He always was a bit of an entrepreneur, And his holiday business was a successful affair. That was his last job as it transpired, He hung up his sailor suit and finally retired. More time to do the things that he wants to do, Like rotary and golf and family time too. Now don’t worry folks we’re more than halfway through the rhyme, So how does David fill in all of his spare time? He loves playing golf, and I can personally endorse, That his clonking driver is the talk of the course. Motor racing, cricket, golf and rugby, He will watch them all day thanks to his Sky TV. He’s also known to cook a mean curry, But I don’t think Delia Smith need start to worry. Now back to Rotary, David’s year has been packed, And to step into his shoes will be a hard act. He’s helped local charities reach their fundraising goal, And kept the Thanet Rotarians under control. I think you will all agree he runs a tight ship, And that’s without the use of his cattle prod and whip. His hard work and dedication has been truly outstanding, So please ladies and gentlemen if you could all be upstanding. And toast David Ward [pause for toast] now this moment I’ll seize, To say “Gentlemen, glasses back to the bar please”
HAPPY RETIREMENT MARGARET
To Margaret Wilson, the unsung hero, To catch her at work your chances are zero, That’s not because she skives, that cannot be said, She’s finishing her shift while we’re still tucked up in bed! Just think of the days off, and all those lie-ins, No more washing the cups or emptying the bins. The office is clean, thanks to Margaret the mover, Dancing round the corridors with her Dyson hoover. We would only ever see you once or twice a year, Whenever there’s a party we knew that you’d be there. We hope you like this poem, we know you like a laugh, Good luck for the future from all the Curia staff
THE END OF AN ERA
To our Pat Wilson, you have now served your time, And have come to the end of your working line. But to go with no fuss would simply be a crime, So take these words with you; yes of course it’s in rhyme. We’ll all be very sad to see you finally go, You started at the Diocese over 20 years ago. You will be greatly missed, which we’re sure that you know, And the Curial Office is losing one of the stars of the show. From 1 ‘til 2 everyday, we’d know where you were at, Down in the staff room eating lunch and never short of chat. I asked some of the staff how to best describe you Pat, And pulled some of the responses out randomly from a hat. She is knowledgeable and clever, your day she will brighten, She is courteous, she is the best, she is magically enlightening. She is witty, she is charming, and she is funny and exciting, What does this one say Pat, I can’t read your writing? You’re famed for your opinions which we’ve all learned to embrace, You have strong views on everything and will always fight your case. Especially over lunchtime when you get some free airspace, You can talk and rant and rave until you’re blue in the face. Another little fact to make this rhyme bespoke, Is to mention you enjoy, let’s say, a little smoke. Okay, to say a little is somewhat of a joke, Each morning at 11 we think we’ve elected a new Pope. Seriously though, we hope you enjoy all your new life presents, Whether it is with the family, travelling, or simply being with friends. And so to finish please be upstanding ladies and gents, And raise your toast to Pat Wilson on her retirement.
From all of the Curial Office staff
HAPPY RETIREMENT HAWKEYE!
On this special night it gives me great pleasure, To present this little poem to our own national treasure. Adrian Howkins is leaving, on Friday he’ll be gone, It’s about bloody time he’s been here since ’61. Yes for 47 years he has been our guiding light, And he’s taught us all one thing – we have to get it right! He has a reputation that no mistake will pass him by, That’s one of the reasons why we all call him ‘Hawkeye’. There is one thing for sure he’s a true gentleman, And in case you’ve never noticed he’s a Leicester City fan! He loves to follow the Foxes and always does his bit, This includes turning up for work in his Leicester City kit! He’s a man with many talents; he has so many plusses, He could even be a stand in for Blakey in On The Buses! He’s very pedantic but he knows just what he wants, And he’ll make sure things are correct if it means checking more than once. He knows tempting us with chocolate was a plan that wouldn’t fail, It’s amazing the lengths he’d go to just to get a sale. If you’re stuck on Valentine’s Day, Hawkeye could be a great teacher, He must know everything there is to know after his 16 page valentine feature. He’s usually on the ball but can sometimes be a dope, Just ask Sue and the girls about the German telescope. Once know as Mr Tibbles, Adrian has a love of cats, He once walked around Leicester with a cats’ tail on his back. But there’s more than funny stories, there’s the true loves of his life, There’s Helen & Jenny his daughters and Sue his lovely wife. And if when he retires he starts feeling a little lazy, I’m sure he’ll be got at by his tabby cat named Daisy. In case you’ve seen him in the news and wonder where he’s been, He’s not long back from London where he went to see the Queen. The invite to the garden party was one he had to take, He said that it was worth it just for the chocolate cake. We know the firm will miss you; you always liked a laugh, And you really were a truly respected and valued member of staff. Seriously though, Adrian, we’re nearly at the end, And I want to say on all of our behalf thanks for being a wonderful friend. So from all your colleagues at Leicester Mercury enjoy your retirement break, But please don’t bother ringing if you spot a literal mistake!
All the best in your retirement with lots of love from all of the gang.
"Thank you so much for the swift turnaround of this poem. It delighted the recipient and added another dimension to the leaving speech. I will certainly use you again! Joanne - Colleague